When it comes to legendary strength, speed, and impossible feats, no one beats Chuck Norris. Known for his unstoppable toughness and iconic roundhouse kicks, Chuck Norris jokes have become a hilarious way to exaggerate his superhuman abilities. These jokes paint him as a larger-than-life figure who can defy the laws of nature—and reality itself!
If you’re looking for the funniest Chuck Norris jokes that will make you laugh out loud, you’re in the right place. Whether you’re sharing them with friends or just need a good chuckle, these 55 Chuck Norris jokes will have you rolling on the floor (and hoping he doesn’t roundhouse kick you back)!
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on—the darkness runs away.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up—he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he’s never cried.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero—and still get an answer.
When Chuck Norris makes a mistake, reality corrects itself.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity— twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to bed, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light.
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
When Chuck Norris enters water, he doesn’t get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris’d.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe. He holds air hostage.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris once won a game of Connect Four in three moves.
Chuck Norris’ shadow weighs 100 pounds.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycle Bin.
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn. He dares the grass to grow.
Chuck Norris once pulled a building over a wall.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
When Chuck Norris was born, he slapped the doctor.
Chuck Norris can win a staring contest with his eyes closed.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano.
Chuck Norris’ GPS never tells him where to go. He decides where he wants to be.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving— and his parachute was afraid to open.
Chuck Norris can do a marathon without moving.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can hit a home run with a toothpick.
Chuck Norris can draw a square with only one stroke.
Chuck Norris can make onions cry just by looking at them.
Chuck Norris doesn’t need a GPS. He decides where he is.
